chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
