I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
