Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
