i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
honey bunches of taint.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
