u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
