Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
