youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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