butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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