We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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