As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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