I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
