After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He felt like a one man threesome
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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