Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
