I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
