And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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