The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
3pm strippers are depressing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
