I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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