Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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