You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i drank out of a bidet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
