i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
