how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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