Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
