I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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