woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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