I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize