I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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