You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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