Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
