I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
