weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
