i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
