I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
