He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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