you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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