I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize