i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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