Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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