Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
