I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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