Apparently you make a good broom.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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