i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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