Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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