She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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