I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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