So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
