dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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