I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
