belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
