Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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