like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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