Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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