you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
