Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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