yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
