yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm both gender and math confused
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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