2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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