did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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