Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
