No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
