How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
