Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
