Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
