I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
