I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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