Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my being single is dangerous.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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