We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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