My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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