i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
