if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
