What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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