There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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