I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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