fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
