I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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