it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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