this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
