You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
