Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
