Nicole vs. Life
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
