i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize