you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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