hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
