I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
