I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
